Jellyfish

In keeping with the very serious nature of IBOL, and the great importance of it in my life these days, I think I should explain why I’ve been slow to respond to email requests today.

See, I left the house this morning to go do a 5 mile run through the mountains with my friend, and I came home having been stung by a jellyfish.

I’m not sure what it is, but there seems to be some sort of connecting between my running and animals wanting to attack me.  When I was visiting Arizona earlier this year, right after having a nice meal with Fitzy, my lovely run through the open desert was interrupted by a large, angry bull that wanted to either drag race me, or make me his concubine (for the record, I am faster in the quarter-mile drag race than your average adult bull.)

Running is a normal thing for me, but being attacked by animals isn’t.  I run about 40 miles a week, sometimes more, sometimes less.  I often run alone, though some days (like today) I’ll go run with a buddy.  When I run alone, I tell my wife ahead of time where I’ll be — I favor trail running, often in remote areas, always without a cell phone, and if I’m not back, she at least needs to have an idea of where to send the search and rescue crew.  I’ll leave her the name of the trail, or tell her the night before the general area where I’m headed.  It works well.

Today, though, I was going running with Chris.  I told her last night that I was thinking of heading to the Eastern side of the island, to go run the Old Pali Highway.  But that was last night.  When I got up, it was cloudy and rainy, all of it coming over the mountains from that very area.  If I was going to torture Chris (he’s just returned to running), I didn’t want to go overboard and push my luck my making him put up with my sheer giddyness of running in a torrential downpour (which, for some apparent reason, not everyone loves — what’s up with that).

So, on the fly, I called an audible, and changed our plans.  That was at about 6 AM.

Now, flash forward to 10 Am, when I am getting home.

I walk into the house, carrying a box of pastries.  “Go get your brother, and mom — tell them I brought yummies.”  My daughter heads off to muster to troops, to divvy up the loot.  I head out to the car, to bring more stuff in.  I return with a bag in each hand.

“Where are these from?” the wife asks me.

“Ted’s” I say, putting the bags down on the counter.

“Did you two head up to the North Shore after your run?  I thought you were running the old Pali Highway.”

“I wanted to, but there was a lot of rain.  So we headed north, to run mauka (towards the mountains) there.  Figured I’d pick up some pastries at Ted’s since we were in the area.”

“Mmm, these are good.  You bought other stuff, too?”

“Yeah.  We needed to stop at the store, so I went ahead and bought some beer.”

“We have beer.  I’ve not known you to be a buy-beer-at-9am-on-a-Saturday kind of guy,” she says.

“Well,” I said, “I’m not.  But we were at Foodland, and Matt had told me to look for beer from the…” as I pull two six packs of beer from the bags, “Maui Brewing Company.  He said their stuff was amazing.  Oh, and I’m low on cash.”

“Wait,” she said.  “You bought two six packs of beer in cans?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Seriously?  Beer in cans?”

“Yeah.”

“And what do you mean, you’re low on cash?  You just got money at CostCo yesterday.”

“Well,” I said, “this stuff is kind of expensive.”

“What stuff?  What else did you buy?”

“Well, I also bought vinegar, but the beer was expensive.”

“Two six packs, in cans, was expensive?”

“Yeah.  They’re normally $16, but were on sale for $10.”

My wife gives me that look, before she says, “You want me to believe that two six packs of cans of beer from Maui is normally $16?”

“No, I want you to believe that one six pack of cans of beer from Maui normally costs $16. I bought two of them, each for $10.  And vinegar.”

“You spent $20 on two six packs of canned beer, and you’re telling me that these would normally cost $32?”

“Yep.  That’s about it.  And the vinegar.”

“Vinegar?” she asks.

“Yep.  We need to go to the store, to get the vinegar, when I saw the beer,” I said, holding up my left forearm.

“What in the world happened to your arm?  Did you fall on the trail?”

“Nope.  Stung by a jellyfish.”

“Stung by a what?”

“Jellyfish.  I need the vinegar to counteract the venom.”

“How does anyone go run mauka (towards the mountains), and get stung by a jellyfish?”

“Oh, the jellyfish sting wasn’t while we were running.  It was while we were in Sharks’ Cove.  We went swimming, and I got attacked there.”

“By a shark?” says my wife, with a big grin.

“No, by the jellyfish.  So I needed vinegar, so we stopped at Ted’s for pastries, then the store for vinegar, and I saw the beer.”

“The $10-for-a-six-pack-of-cans beer.”

“Yes.  We can call it medicinal.”

“For the jellyfish sting you got, on your trip to the North Shore this morning, to run through the mountains.”

“Genau.”

There’s never a dull moment in our lives.  I sure don’t set out for these adventures — they just seem to find me.  Oh, and the beer is very, very good.  The arm still hurts, even after the pastries (this morning) and the beer (tonight), but I think it’ll sting for a few days.  I can live with that.  I’ll try to respond a little faster to requests for the address, but with the way things are going, tomorrow I may be attacked by bats or something.

Advertisements

Tags: ,

23 Responses to “Jellyfish”

  1. Shanley Says:

    I’ll back you up. That is good beer.

  2. wenikitiki Says:

    Next time you get stung by a jellyfish (Hey you live in Hawaii, it will happen again…..) grab a handful of wet sand and rub it on the sting. Do that a few times with fresh sand each time. Trust me, it works better than vinegar! I think because it get the venom off your skin quicker.

    • IBOL Guy Says:

      Actually, yes, that is the preferred methods – gets the embedded stingers out. We read that en route to the bakery, via Chris’ iPhone. Vinegar was a good #2 solution — worked out just fine. But sand would have worked right away, too. Peeing on it? Urban legend. Chris offered, of course — he is a good friend. But I can’t think of any injury that would feel better with a treatment that included full frontal nudity.

  3. Fitzy Says:

    Please don’t pass your total ability to weave and duck any direct inquiry to your children. Especially since they are approaching the teen years, lol. We at least need to get you the Nike’s with the chip so we can locate the body, you obviously can find trouble solo or in a pack (2 or 6)!

    PS..my box is ready, send me the addy within the next few

  4. Orwell Says:

    Dude, if you’re trying to convince us that IBOL is real and that this isn’t all some big put-on, this isn’t helping! You expect us to believe this?

  5. Bill Says:

    Only you could get stung by a jellyfish during a run through the mountains. You definitely live an amazing life. You should write a book.

    • IBOL Guy Says:

      I actually asked my son that — do you know anyone else who can head out for a run mauka, and come home with a jellyfish sting? No, dad — just you.

  6. Lori Jones Says:

    I know that you said “Peeing on it? Urban legend.” might it be that it works on some and not others??

  7. Lori Jones Says:

    Oh yea great story!!

  8. Lynne Says:

    Thanks for a good laugh! Well told!

    My box for IBOL is filling up… It should go out next week, after I make a trip to the local fabric shop to fill it up with some extra goodies.

  9. Deni Says:

    Thanks Art for my morning humor. It reminds me of the time my hubby left for work, in the days when he was a carpenter on dry land, and I get a call from a friend, “Hi, have you heard from Tom? They found the boat capsized with no one around. ” It was not funny. Your wife is a keeper Art.
    I like the idea about the chip in the shoe, or maybe it should be embedded in your skin.

    • IBOL Guy Says:

      Actually, I do run with a Garmin Forerunner 305 – but it just logs where I have been. I have nothing with me that transmits. At least, if something happens (like I get chased by a bull), I can fully document it afterward!

  10. Lori Says:

    HI IBOL guy! Would loe the address, I already have my box loaded! Seriously—your conversation with your wife sounds like something that would happen right here at my house 🙂

  11. Kate C Says:

    Art, you made my day! : )

  12. BL Says:

    Funny stuff…don’t agree with the sand scrub…could make the sting worse and usually does…been in, on and around beaches for 40+ years…been stung by everything just about…pee is a myth…so is meat tenderizer..vinegar is the way to go but who remembers to bring that…found this stuff called StingMate at my local surf shop but have seen it at drug stores etc….1 oz spray bottle was 4 bucks…fits in my pocket..surf bag..works great…removes stingers… good luck and keep the sunny side up…BL

  13. Kim Says:

    Art, also try “Jelly Fish Squish” – it works great too. We always take it to Bellows when we go (inevitably it is man-of-war time (around the full moon) when we go there).

  14. WenikiTiki Says:

    Hey BL and Kim! I will go shopping for some StingMate and Jelly Fish Squish. I have opted for the sand scrub, but didn’t know there was anything on the market for the stings. Being as I am a grandma now, it would be good to have in my bag. All I know is vinegar, meat tenderizer, aloe and soap don’t work.

    • IBOL Guy Says:

      It may also have something to do with sea vs. freshwater, and the type of animal involved. Just a guess, though.

  15. Holly Says:

    Thanks for the laugh. I hope the stinging wore off quickly. But man, you really go all out to justify pastries and beer. I’m impressed!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: